Why Everyone Should Listen to the Feminist Mormons, or, a Lesson on Humanity

Photo: Paul Shanks
I am ready to express my opinion on the matter of feminist Mormons. Even if you have no involvement or interest in this specific topic, I invite you to read on. The issues addressed in this post are universal.
It is my opinion that all involved parties should put in the effort and time to hear what feminist Mormons have to say. I’m not saying this because I agree with them or because I necessarily think you will. I’m saying this because I believe in the power of open and sincere communication. I believe in its ability to help us understand and sympathize with other people. I believe that if we honestly try to practice this kind of communication, we will have better lives, more loving relationships, more supportive communities, and a more peaceful world.
I feel inclined to point out at the onset that I am referring to more than just the Ordain Women movement. As with most things, Mormon feminism encompasses a diverse group of women (and men), each with a unique set of opinions. In fact, there are many who are against the priesthood ordination of women but still have other feminist ideas and thoughts worth listening to. Ideas such as women in auxiliary presidencies presiding at Relief Society and Young Women meetings or conducting personal worthiness interviews for other women and girls. You may find reason and insight in their concerns.
It’s unfortunate to see, for example, a reasonable link on facebook get hammered with negative and unproductive comments. It makes me wonder if the person commenting could really feel that way after honestly listening to what was being said in the article. Or perhaps they just read it without taking the effort to try and understand the feelings of the author. In addition, too often comments are made that demean not only the ideas and opinions being expressed, but the actual people who hold them.
Why cast these people out emotionally and intellectually simply because you don’t like the basic premise of their feelings? Indeed, why cast them out at all? Picture this hypothetical scene from New Testament times:
A believing follower of Christ (or a non-believer, for that matter) comes up to him and tells him their concerns or desires. Do you think he would make a snide remark or lean to his apostles and say, “I wish I hadn’t spent my time listening to them,” perhaps adding, “don’t they already know the answer to that?”
Perhaps you already disagree with them and don’t think that listening to what they have to say will do any good. Can you presume to truly understand them by their labels, taglines, or the hearsay and rebuttal found in their opposition? I challenge you to find a reasonable, well-meaning Mormon feminist and ask them how they feel. If, at the end of it all, you (or the powers that be) don’t decide to side with them, that’s fine. But you’ll all be better for the time you spent seeking to understand one another. Many of these women (if not most) are incredibly intelligent, well-informed, and very knowledgeable about many things, not the least of which is their religion. Giving them answers that they’ve heard, researched, and quite possibly even prayed about many times over clearly hasn’t adequately addressed their concerns. Try listening to them. And when you listen, you may find that an adequate response will need to address their real concerns and not simply tell them why women in the church are already special, valued, important, and integral just the way they are.
Perhaps I’m just lucky because I had the wonderful opportunity to date an amazing and very reasonable and moderate feminist Mormon. I had the chance on numerous occasions to hear her very legitimate concerns and opinions and can clearly see reason in them.
It doesn’t make you weak, unfaithful, or unprincipled to sincerely listen to another person’s concerns, even if they may at first sound fundamentally contrary to your own.
Likewise, I don’t believe it’s unfaithful or unrighteous for a person to petition their religious authorities to hear and address their concerns. Even if it was found to be doctrinally unsound, the act of reasonably voicing one’s concerns is hardly something to be criticized.
If you take this challenge of open and respectful dialogue and you enjoy your experience, don’t limit yourself to a conversation with a feminist Mormon!
Talk to a gay or lesbian Mormon, a liberal Mormon, or someone who used to be Mormon.
Talk to a Catholic, a Muslim, an atheist, a Humanist.
Talk to a Democrat, a Republican, a European, or someone who differs from you on the issue of climate change.
Remember to be open and respectful and really try to understand the person’s point of view. And when it’s your turn to voice your opinion, do so without derision or passive-aggressiveness. This goes for both parties in the conversation.
[this next paragraph is important; it’s the whole point of this post, in fact]
Why did I title this “Why Everyone Should Listen to the Feminist Mormons”? Not because I believe that all people, regardless of past or present LDS involvement, should strike up a conversation with a feminist Mormon (though it’s not a bad idea). Rather, I mean that the idea of selfless communication is critically important and so desperately needed that all people would benefit from its practice. Whether it’s domestic or foreign politics, sectarian differences, religious schisms, or relationship woes, forget yourself for a minute and consider someone else.
Thanks for reading. Be excellent to each other.
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If there are any feminist Mormons who want to volunteer to talk openly about their thoughts on these matters, feel free to mention it in the comments. Discussion can happen here in the comments, through email, or via your own blogs.
A note on comments: any comment that detracts from the sharing of ideas by using statements ad hominem, etc. will be deleted. To quote the 4HWW blog footer: “Critical is fine, but if you’re rude, we’ll delete your stuff.” Plain and simple. And apropos for this particular post :)

Nice post, Andy. Thanks for teaching others how to be civil. We need more of that in the world.
Thanks, Jeremy. I definitely agree with you. Now to find a way to help spread that idea…
Love this post. If nothing else comes from this movement maybe we can *finally* think and act civilly towards those who are different than we are. It’s amazing how many people think my perfectly reasonable wife is an apostate follower of Satan.
Thank you! It sounds like you often have the chance to hear a good, un-hyped explanation of these things :) I like what you said, that perhaps this movement will bring about a greater sense of respect and civility. That would be an achievement to celebrate.
I think this is excellent–very well said. By the way, I have to put in a shameless plug for the website Young Mormon Feminists and a post I wrote there:
Thanks! You know, I actually came across your post earlier today when I was searching for a good hashtag to use when tweeting this. For some reason the top result for my search was that article.
Finally an un-hyped message of love and understanding on the topic.
“The idea of selfless communication is critically important and so desperately needed that all people would benefit from its practice.”
Perfectly simple…and full of truth and reason.
Thank you.
Thank you, Krista. It’s cool to hear what you liked about it.
Love and understanding. Thanks for letting me know. And thank you for being open to it.
I really love what you have to say because it applies so broadly to so may people. If we learned to understand and have empathy for those around us, we would be a more Christlike people. There are lots of different and very legitimate concerns out there. I may not agree with all of them, but that doesn’t make the voices of those who do any less valid.
As far as this issue goes in the LDS church, God gave us curiosity and He loves it when we ask him questions. That’s how this whole church got restored in the first place! As long as we can accept His answers, there is nothing unrighteous about the desire to know, to change, and to grow as a whole. Maybe it will be us who changes, or maybe He will tell us that because we were ready to ask, we are ready to receive what we desired.
I really like what you said:
“there is nothing unrighteous about the desire to know, to change, and to grow as a whole.”
You have a great understanding of what it means to be a good and considerate person, Irene. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Thanks Andy :). This was beautiful, simple, and such a great message. It really is all about communication in the end, isn’t it? We could learn so much from each other if everyone wasn’t always worried about who’s right and who’s wrong.
Wonderfully put, Morgan! Thank you.
Parabéns pela sua iniciativa é um despertar para quem não comeu’ espinafre e diz ”’ eu detesto espinafre não gosto só de olhar sei que não gosto” assim são algumas pessoas, tem medo de nós,e do LIVRO DE MÓRMON , só porque ouvi-o alguém dizer coisas negativas.
Presto testemunho de que quando conheci, os missionários SUD investiguei procurei e hoje tenho certeza absoluta que homens, e mulheres SUD sabem onde esta a fonte da verdade, não somos perfeitos mas sabemos como conseguir a perfeição,somos unos em nossa busca.
Convido todas as mulheres de qualquer denominação a unir-se a nós da SACIEDADE DE SOCORRO em sua pro pia cidade e seja membro da maior sociedade de mulheres em beneficio as famílias.
I like what you say about spinach. That’s a good point.
This is a beautiful piece. Communicating with kindness and a sincere desire to understand seems to be more rare than ever right now. Some of the most important moments of my life have been listening to others share their stories, whether I agree with them or not. Thank you for this lovely reminder. Well said.
Thank you, misssrobin. I’m glad you appreciated it.
There are many people suffering from close-mindedness. Just like missrobin said: “Communicating with kindness and a sincere desire to understand seems to be more rare than ever right now.” Sadly, Christians the world over seem to shoot their own wounded quite frequently. Willingness to listen doesn’t mean that if you listen, you agree with that opinion. Agreeing to disagree is the first step to tolerance and loving one another.
Yes! Tolerance and love do not require the same beliefs. Only the belief that everyone deserves love and understanding.
That was a nice post, Andy.
Thanks, Emily! I’m glad you read it and happy that you appreciated it.
THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING! I’m Mormon and a feminist (though I’m not in agreement with the group petitioning for ordination of women.) I do my best to support women, and sometimes that boils down to simply assuming that they have their reasons, reasons I would probably consider reasonable if I heard them, for what they are asking. I may not agree, but what I find more disturbing is the growing number of people who employ the “if you don’t like it, leave” attitude. I want to SCREAM, “No! Don’t leave. We can work this out. God answers prayers. There is a place for you here.” I don’t agree with the idea of ordaining women, but I can certainly understand how desperate it can feel if access to the priesthood seems out of reach. I grew up that way. I also feel that women face questions of faith that men don’t have to answer, and some sensitivity to that goes a long way. I want people to stop blasting their disdain for these women. It’s not productive. It’s not compassionate, and most importantly, it’s not CHRISTLIKE.
Very well said, Keri. What’s important is to compassionately listen and care for everyone. Thank you for sharing your situation of identifying as a Mormon and a feminist (yet not in agreement with the group petitioning women’s ordination). It’s helpful to know (and be reminded) that there are many different viewpoints and it’s not as black and white as it appears to some.